Great Grandma's Christmas Day
Great-gran is coming for Christmas Day,
It’s an annual occurrence,
We’re going to need plenty of patience
And oodles of endurance.
She really is a dear old soul,
But she does have funny ways,
Her clothes are very old fashioned,
She’s encased in whalebone stays.
She’s had her dentures for fifty years,
She wouldn’t have any new sets,
So now whenever she chews her food
They clatter like castanets.
We know what presents we’re going to get,
They’re the same ones every year,
She’s knitted us each a lovely scarf,
In colours bright and clear.
She tries to pretend that he hair is her own,
But we all know it’s a wig,
It sometimes falls down over her eyes,
It’s really much too big.
She just wants to sit and watch the telly
But has it on much too loud,
“I can’t hear a word that man is saying,
You’re such a noisy crowd.”
She thinks the children are badly behaved,
Not like she was when a child,
She had to sit quietly, do what she was told,
And not be so rowdy and wild.
Into the kitchen she sometimes goes
Although there’s not much space,
But it doesn’t take us long to find
That nothing’s in its proper place.
We do our best to keep the peace,
After all she’s ninety-three,
But we do grit our teeth at mealtimes,
Whenever she slurps her tea.
She couldn’t get to church on Christmas Day,
She thought it would be too much,
But we sang some carols round the fire
So she didn’t feel out of touch.
This will probably be her last Christmas,
She’s looking rather ill,
But she’s determined to reach a hundred,
Knowing her, she probably will.
We’ll keep visiting her in the Care Home
And if everything goes well
She’ll be with us again next Christmas Day,
Oh dear! Oh bother! Oh - I’m sure we’ll enjoy having her with us again.