I’ve been invited to Ascot
To Ladies’ Day an’ all,
I can picture the ‘at I’ll be wearin’
On the ‘atstand in the ‘all.
I could go to a top class milliner
For something really posh,
But that would be rather out of me range,
I ‘aven’t got that sort of dosh.
So I got out me ‘usband’s old boater,
(It was used as a bed by the cat)
But if cleaned up and decorated
It would make a respectable ‘at.
A purple feather from grandma’s old boa,
The pink rose I wore as a bride,
The pale blue ribbon from me lass’s first bonnet
When under ‘er chin it were tied.
Somewhere there’s a big bunch of cherries,
And a whacking great ostrich plume,
If I move the chrysanth a bit to the right
There should be plenty of room.
A piece of net curtain to use as a veil,
I think dyed a nice shade of green,
It’ll cover a multitude of sins,
Including me double chin.
The great day came - it were ready to wear,
I’d outshine the Countess of Leicester,
But it poured with rain the ‘ole bloomin’ day,
So, instead, I wore me sou’wester.