New Year Revolution
Like Baldrick in Blackadder I have a cunning plan,
My home in the year 2009 is going to be spick and span,
Iíve examined it minutely, Iíve studied it through and through,
And here is the result of all that thought, a list of THINGS TO DO!

I started with the kitchen which looked so clean and neat,
Until I studied carefully what was really under my feet.
That patch of grease down the side of the the cooker is still there Iím sorry to say,
Along with a piece of Yorkshire pudding and a sprout from Christmas Day.

The cupboards Iím going to empty and get rid of all the fluff,
Iíll wash the plates and dishes, theyíve been mucky for long enough.
The things on top of the freezer need a really good sorting out,
Iím going to need a lot of black bags, of that there is no doubt.

The bathroom cabinet is next on the list, is all that stuff really mine?
Half a bottle of cough mixture ďbest before May 99.Ē
Bottles and jars of ointment and lotion which seem to have set quite solid,
Sticky bottles of scented oils - the whole thingís dreadfully squalid.

The tiles round the bath are an awful disgrace, theyíre going to get scrubbed for sure,
Thereís a fine film of talcum everywhere - Iíll not use that any more.
That wobbly hook on the back of the door - all it needs is another screw.
ďOh, come on, woman,Ē I tell myself, ďthatís something thatís easy to do.Ē

Now what about the bedroom?  The wardrobe and drawers are full,
Yes, definitely theyíre high on the list, theyíre in line for a drastic cull.
There are clothes I know Iím not going to wear, Iíll never be a size ten,
And whatís the point of my old wedding dress - Iím not going to need that again.

The drawers in the living room dresser are crammed with useless junk,
Old buttons and batteries, elastic bands and a hat that looks like a skunk.
Outdated receipts and silly games that I know Iíll never play,
Theyíre all going to go in that plastic bag - perhaps with a cheer on the way.

I hardly dare look in the garden shed, I just know itís an awful mess,
Thereís that dreadful kitchen cupboard - whatís in there is anyoneís guess,
I certainly know there are cobwebs and also a mouse or two,
That huge spider that lives in the corner, to him Iím going to say ďboo.Ē

There must be a hundred old flowerpots - why did I have so many?
If anybody wants one Iíll let you have it for a penny.
That moth-eaten garden lounger - I shanít be sorry to lose it,
Why on earth is it still sitting there when Iím never going to use it.

The table for the patio along with the elegant chairs
Are going to be washed and polished, to show that somebody cares.
The leaves that are piled in the corner, the couch grass pulled up by its roots,
Theyíre all going to go in the black plastic bag along with the wellington boots.

Yes, Iím really quite determined to get to the end of my list,
The stuff Iím getting rid of I know will not be missed,
But I must admit Iíll wonder and sometimes to myself say,
I wish Iíd kept that whatever it was and not thrown it away.

These are only a few of the things that are on my list to do,
Iíve counted them very carefully - all four hundred and sixty two,
I think I might get through the list with a lot of sweat and tears,
But Iím sure Iím going to need some help - any volunteers?