Santaís got so many problems
Heís going out of his mind
Life used to be so easy
But now everythingís a bind.
He canít do this, he canít do that,
Itís all against the law,
HealthíníSafety have caught up with him,
Itís all a terrible bore.
He must have a licence to fly his sleigh,
Heís got to have seat belts fitted,
To try and land on someoneís roof
Is certainly not permitted.
A tile could fall on somebodyís head,
Heíd be sued for compensation,
The last thing he needs at this time of the year
Is to be involved in litigation.
Poor Rudolf is not allowed to lead the team,
Itís quite obvious heís been boozing,
So heís got to be left alone by himself,
In his stable heíll be snoozing.
Now Santa must fill in all the forms
To show that heís fit and proper.
If heís mixing with children without permission
His collar will be felt by a copper.
His elves havenít got work permits,
Heís not paying them the statutory wages,
Heís up to his ears in reams of forms,
Pages and pages and pages.
ďThatís it,Ē he says, ďIíve had enough,
Thereíll be no presents this year,
As long as we live in a nanny state
Thereíll be little Christmas cheer.Ē