Poor Santa
Santa’s got so many problems
He’s going out of his mind
Life used to be so easy
But now everything’s a bind.
He can’t do this, he can’t do that,
It’s all against the law,
Health’n’Safety have caught up with him,
It’s all a terrible bore.

He must have a licence to fly his sleigh,
He’s got to have seat belts fitted,
To try and land on someone’s roof
Is certainly not permitted.
A tile could fall on somebody’s head,
He’d be sued for compensation,
The last thing he needs at this time of the year
Is to be involved in litigation.

Poor Rudolf is not allowed to lead the team,
It’s quite obvious he’s been boozing,
So he’s got to be left alone by himself,
In his stable he’ll be snoozing.
Now Santa must fill in all the forms
To show that he’s fit and proper.
If he’s mixing with children without permission
His collar will be felt by a copper.

His elves haven’t got work permits,
He’s not paying them the statutory wages,
He’s up to his ears in reams of forms,
Pages and pages and pages.
“That’s it,” he says, “I’ve had enough,
There’ll be no presents this year,
As long as we live in a nanny state
There’ll be little Christmas cheer.”
Poor santa