I used to have a dustbin outside of my back door
And once a week the dustmen tipped the contents in their cart.
They were always pleasant and cheerful no matter what the weather,
But now disposing of your rubbish has become a very fine art.

They’re not dustmen any more, they have a brand new name,
They’re Waste Disposal Operatives, I think that’s what they’re called.
And I haven’t got a dustbin, just several wheelie bins,
When I come to put my rubbish out I’m really quite appalled.

The blue one is for paper, cardboard and plastic bottles,
The maroon one is for glass but please take off the tops,
The black one is for things which no longer have a use,
The ordinary general rubbish - but watch out for the cops.

I think they’re from the Council but they’re really underhand,
They’ll snoop around your bins to see what you’ve put out,
They’ll slap a fine upon you if you’ve put plastic with the glass,
They’re nasty bits of work, of that there is no doubt.

Make sure the lid is shut, don’t leave it slightly open,
Don’t dare put out your bin on the wrong day of the week.
Even if you’re an O.A.P. and getting rather feeble,
You’ve got to drag the wretched thing - the future’s really bleak.

And have you heard the latest, a small green bin for the kitchen,
Otherwise known as a slop bucket for all your kitchen waste,
You empty it into a bigger green bin which then will sit on your doorstep,
The colours are all very pretty - but I think it’s a matter of taste.

I know what I’d like to do and I’m sure I’m not alone,
There’s a place to put these bureaucrats but I don’t think it’s the worst,
There’s room enough I’m sure and I think that you’ll agree,
They should be stuffed into their bins - preferably head first.