Some Busybody Bureaucrat
Some busybody bureaucrat
Some eminent professor of this and that
Has stood his ground and now has found
That eating food will make you fat.

I’m not going to listen to all that tosh
I’m going enjoy eating all my nosh
It may be greed but the last thing I need
Is to look like that skinny Spice Girl Posh.

Have you today taken the pledge
To eat your five portions of fruit and veg?
You’ll waste away and sad to say
The bottom of the pit of guilt you’ll dredge.

Did you drink your one unit of booze last night?
Or did you drink more and get very tight?
Now you I must scold for you have been told
That drinking too much can never be right.

What did you do with that empty tin?
Did you carefully put it in the right coloured bin?
If not, you’ll be caught ‘cos you know that you ought
To obey the Gauleiter - he’s after your skin.

“You must let your children out to play”
“Keep them inside, it’s safer that way”
“The world’s full of dangers, stay away from all strangers,”
You’re torn between what all those experts say.

Now you must your life arrange
So you won’t be responsible for climate change
Switch off, cut back, don’t drive, don’t fly,
Life is getting awfully strange.

If you want to go abroad
Sitting in the airport you won’t be bored,
With this on your knee - questions fifty-three,
You’ll wish you’d fallen on your sword.

Here’s a thought to make you pause,
More than three thousand brand new laws
In ten short years have been introduced,
Our Government has been the cause.

‘Elf-an-safety has gone raving mad,
They’re determined to make us all feel bad,
I’m full of contrition - I’d no permission,
We used to feel happy, now we’re all sad.

So now watch out - be on your guard
Soon you’ll have an ID card,
Big Brother’s on watch so don’t make a botch
Of the rules though they may be hard.

I refuse to be burdened with guilt and shame,
The Government is making me take the blame
For the state the world has got itself in,
I’m going to be happy and bloody well sane.