I went off for a weekend break
To a cottage Iíd seen advertised,
It really sounded perfect,
But, oh, was I surprised.
The bed was hard and lumpy,
The pillows like slices of toast,
It said there was a sea view,
What! Three miles from the coast.
Someone had nicked the bath plug,
The water was only lukewarm,
And all the heating and lighting went off
During the thunderstorm.
The dogs next door kept barking,
They drove me up the wall,
The windows hadnít been cleaned for weeks,
I couldnít see out at all.
I discovered it was next door to a pig farm,
Iíll leave you to imagine the smells,
And at the church down the road the ringers
Decided to practise their bells.
So if at some time in the future
I get the urge to roam,
Iíll remember this awful disaster
And spend every weekend at home.